The 14 Dating Statistics All Singles Need to Know

When it comes to dating and relationships there are a lot of grey areas—as there should be. Maybe that’s why it’s so fun to look at dating statistics and data to see the black and white facts presented by the numbers. Whether you’re curious about the best city  to start a relationship in or want to know what men really think about paying for the first date, check out these 14 important dating statistics for some much-needed insight.

1. Shared interests and sex are important to a successful marriage.
According to a 2017 study on marriage by the PEW Research Center, 64% of married couples say having shared interests is important to a successful relationship and 61% said satisfying sexual relationship is. It makes sense then, that in a survey of over 6,000 online daters on the dating site Zoosk, the majority of them said the thing they like to talk about in their first conversation with someone is their hobbies and interests. Another fun find—56% of married adults say sharing household chores is very important to a successful marriage.
2. Guys care more about who pays the bill than women.
In a recent survey of over 6,000 heterosexual singles on the dating site and app Zoosk, 86% of men said they preferred to pay the bill, while only 56% of women said they prefered the man to pay. On top of that, only 25% of men said they like it when a woman offers to pay. 
3. It’s actually harder start a relationship in a big city.
According to 2014 Facebook data gathered from relationship-related posts and status changes, big cities like New York, LA, and Miami aren’t the best place to meet people. The cities that you’re most likely to start a relationship in? Colorado Springs, El Paso, Louisville, and Fort Worth.
4. Love goes beyond politics.
Though current times may suggest otherwise, the same PEW study on marriage also showed that only 16% of married people said they thought shared political views were important to their marriage. So even if you and your significant other don’t see eye to eye on economic reform or foreign policy, you can still be a good pair for each other in a relationship.
5. More people are choosing to stay single longer, or indefinitely.
And as a result the gap between married and single people has narrowed. Back in the 1950s married couples outnumbered singles by 37.1 million, but after the last census in 2015 that number shrunk to 12.1 million.
6. The best time to get married is between the ages of 28 and 32.
According to a study by Nick Wolfinger, a sociologist at the University of Utah people who get married between 28 and 32 split up the least. As the study put it, this “Goldilocks Theory of Marriage” shows that getting married too early or too late can be risky.
7. Most people think online dating is a good way to meet people.
In a 2015 study by PEW, 59% of people in the U.S. agreed that online dating was a good way to meet people. And that number was on the rise, since in 2005 only 44% of people surveyed said they thought online dating was a good way to meet.
8. If you date someone for 3 months, it’s likely you’ll start a serious relationship.
Another fun find from Facebook—couples who make it to 3 months usually end up together for at least 4 years. So the three month mark is an important milestone.
9. If you’ve been dating for over 6 months, it might be time to discuss marriage.
A survey from the dating app Zoosk showed that 56% of men and 54% of women want to discuss marriage after they’ve been dating for 6 months.
10. Technology can bring couples closer.
According to a 2014 PEW research study, 21% of mobile phone owners, said they feel closer to their spouse or partner because of conversations they had via text. 9% admitted that they had resolved an argument over text message that they couldn’t resolve in person. In addition to that 27% of internet users say their internet usage has had an impact on their relationship and 74% said it was a positive one.
11. More people are getting remarried.
According to the U.S. census 40% of new marriages involve remarriage, where one or both of the spouses have been married before. In addition, in 2013 42 million adults in the U.S. had been married more than once which was up from 22 million in 1980. 
12. Men and women both want someone who’s honest.
After data mining over 3,000,000 profiles, the dating app Zoosk found that both men and women use the word honest the most while describing what they’re looking for in another person. Other popular traits varied by age and included things like fun, sense of humor, family, or easy going.
13. Same sex couples don’t care about age as much.
According to Facebook data, in heterosexual couples, males are consistently 2–5 years older than females, while same-sex couples generally have larger gaps within the spouses ages.
14. Coffee or dinner dates are the best way to go.
According to messaging data from the online dating site Zoosk, women in their 20s and 30s use the word dinner most often when describing their ideal date. Womens in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and older list coffee most often.

4 Surprising Ways to Break the Ice

During those first few dates, you’re likely to find yourself with a man who is more nervous – and tongue tied – than you are.  Here are five different ways to break the ice, open his heart, and start the spark of romance.

First dates are our chance to create an initial connection with a man, and see if we are a good fit. We trot out our best stories and questions to make a great first impression, and we avoid uncomfortable silence at all costs.
But these strategies aren’t real ways to start a connection with a man. In fact, they feel more like an interview than a romantic experience.  If you really want to get the conversation flowing, focus instead on connecting to his heart by being vulnerable and authentic.  Here’s how.
TIP  #1: ASK HIM ABOUT A PERSONAL DETAIL
Rather than asking him about his job or where he lives, ask him about a personal detail that opens the door to unusual conversation. It’s a great way to find out more about him and let him know you’re interested.
So say something about his class ring or the shoes he’s wearing.  Chances are, there’s a story there; and he’ll welcome the opportunity to share it. It will feel more spontaneous and refreshing, because it isn’t the same old conversation starter.
TIP #2: ASK HIM TO ASK YOU
A good way to communicate your openness and find out what’s on his mind is to ask him: “Is there anything you’d like to know about me?”
Doing this gives you great insight into his personality.  You’re letting him lead the conversation so he feels you’re open to him, and you’re also learning about what matters to him.  He’ll probably turn it around and ask you to do the same, and this will keep you chatting away. The fact that you’re open to revealing stuff about yourself will also give him the impression that you’re spontaneous and comfortable in your own skin, and this is very attractive.
TIP  #3: ADMIT YOU’RE NERVOUS
It’s normal to think that we have to seem upbeat and at ease on a first date, so we try to cover up our nerves and discomfort. But this just creates an artificial experience between the two of you, and causes you to miss a real opportunity for connection.
One of the quickest ways to put him at ease – and instantly connect with his heart – is to confess what you’re really feeling.  So if you feel nervous, tell him! You can say something like: “You know, I’m feeling really nervous here.  I felt we had a great connection online, and now I’m not sure what to say,”
There’s a good chance he’ll venture that he’s having the same problem, and then you’ll have something in common!  What’s more, the fact that you expressed your true feelings will let him see that he doesn’t have to be a mind reader with you…and it will touch his heart.
TIP  #4: GET COMFORTABLE WITH SILENCE
This tip is the hardest to get used to, but the most powerful.
When people are nervous, they tend to create small talk.  Small talk will help pass the time, but it won’t help you make a heart connection with him, because you’re just sharing facts rather than engaging with him on a more personal level.  So let go of the need to carry the conversation, and challenge yourself to sit with the silence.   Know that you don’t need to speak.
Instead smile, relax your shoulders, and get comfortable.  Just doing this will take the pressure off him, because he’ll feel that you’re okay being in his presence.  He’ll feel accepted, and that’s when he’ll feel safe enough to trust you and relax.  Gradually, you’ll find yourself sharing a true heart to heart.
Much of the pressure from first dates comes from testing to see if we can trust this person enough to start revealing who we are.  But it really works the opposite way.  The more you reveal about yourself and your true feelings, the more he’ll feel comfortable opening up about himself.  If you keep this in mind, you’ll find that your next first date will be much more enjoyable.  You will have learned something meaningful about another person.  Even if you decide it’s not a romantic fit after all, you’ll have also gained valuable practice in how to open yourself up to the right man.

How to Talk to Women Online

Some men like to say that women are complicated. And they’re right! Women are complicated. But then, men are complicated too. Men and women are vastly different, but we’re all governed by basic social rules and norms.

This article gives you guys out there a few quick tips on how to understand how women are different and master the social norms that make easy conversation possible. We’ve used data from real online daters to come up a with a few ways you can make sure that you’re online communications are strong.
Keep these things in mind and you’ll learn how to talk to women online:
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
So this might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people become disrespectful while communicating online. As a man, you should always treat women with respect. That means, no rudeness, no insults, no inappropriately sexual comments. Communicating online can be hard. Some of the subtle nuances of your jokes or comments may be lost. So be careful, re-read what you’ve written, and get a feel for the woman and the conversation before getting more aggressive. You may think you’re being playful and she may think you’re a complete jerk.
Some Compliments are Better Than Others
Making compliments on an intellectual or emotional level, not strictly a physical level, can get you far online. A lot of guys lead with, “You’re beautiful,” or “You look amazing.” And ya, every girl likes to be complimented on her appearance, but chances are she’s heard this a lot and you’ll just look like every other guy messaging her.
Try mixing it up, and compliment her on something else. A woman is generally more flattered by compliments about her intelligence, her kindness, or the worth of her personality than she is by comments about her physical appearance.
If you do compliment her looks, make it unique. Data from real online daters showed that women responded to messages that called out specific things about their looks—eyes, hair, or glasses—instead of words like beautiful.
Keep Talking – There’s No Playing Hard to Get Online
Sometimes the biggest struggle with talking to a woman, especially when you’re nervous, is to avoid running out of things to talk about. If the conversation stalls it can be a killer. So have a few go-to questions you like to ask people or a few go-to topics you like to bring up. Even if they’re a bit generic or boring, it’s good to have something ready. That way, if there’s a pause in the conversation you’ll be ready.
If you’re waiting to message her back, keep in mind that a lot of women like it when guys play hard to get. It’s mysterious, it keeps them guessing, it can drive them crazy, but it’s also part of the fun. Playing hard-to-get is all well in good when you’re offline, but online? Well, it just doesn’t work. According to data Zoosk collected from over 3 million conversations, if someone doesn’t reply within 24 hours, there’s a 94% chance you’ll never talk again.
Ask Questions
All people like it when someone is interested in them and wants to learn more. If you feel at a loss of things to say around a woman, ask about her taste in music, movies, or books. Find out what she enjoys most, what her job is, or even what she wishes her job is. Even asking what the last movie she saw, even if she hated it, can lead to a good conversation and help you get to know her.
Don’t Try Too Hard
The majority of women don’t appreciate it when men come across as arrogant, or as if they’re trying too hard to impress. The kind of bantering that happens between guys isn’t the same as the kind of communication that occurs between a man and a woman. So take it easy, don’t tell her about all the amazing things you do, what car you drive, or how you just got a new phone. If she’s interested, those are things she’ll notice and appreciate on her own. If you want to brag a little, and highlight what makes you a great catch, tell a story about something cool you did that you think she’d enjoy too. That way it’s not just about you.
Being too aggressive right off the bat can backfire. Data shows that first messages from men that mention dinner, drinks, or lunch, get 35% less responses. Don’t ask someone out in your very first message.
Be Honest About Your Past and Your Present
Women really respect a guy who’s honest and upfront right away. In a different exploration, Zoosk looked at the profiles of 3,956 subscribers and found that men who had profiles that mentioned divorce, separate, or my ex got 52% more messages. Similarly, men who mentioned son, daughter, teenager, children, or single dad saw an increase of 7%.
Chances are, you’re better at talking to women than you think. You just need a little practice. And that’s one of the best things about online dating—there are a lot of opportunities to get to know a lot of people. So have fun, flirt, ask questions, and you’ll have a date in no time.

Tip for Your Online Dating Profile: Stay Positive!

Many of us have friends who are negative, who maybe even identify themselves as pessimists or take pride in the fact that they look at the world and are honest about the fact that it’s not always beautiful. We love these friends, their pessimism is part of their charm and a big part of who they are.

This article is not for them.
Those people should be negative on their online dating profile, because the person they meet will need to appreciate their pessimism as much as their friends do. For the rest of us, those of us who don’t identify ourselves that way, it’s a good idea to double-check our online dating profiles for negativity. Because you’d be surprised how often something you write can come across as negative, and how much it can hurt your ability to attract the type person you’re looking for.
Ready to do a negativity check? Here are two quick things to look out for:
Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want
Sometimes when you’re asked to describe what it is you’re looking for in another person, the first thing that comes to mind is what you’re not looking for. Especially if you’ve just gotten out of a relationship that didn’t work out. But by saying what you don’t want, you may be turning away people who you’d really be interested in.
Think about it: If you put “No drama please!” in your profile doesn’t it sound, well, a little dramatic? If you were looking for a relationship with no drama, would that be the person you’d message? Probably not. But you might message someone that said, “I’m a positive, laid-back person, looking for someone who’s the same.”
Luckily, this kind of negativity is easy to spot and easy to fix. Just take a look at your profile and identify any places you talk about the things you don’t want or don’t like in another person. Then reword it to focus on what you do want instead.
Dating can be hard, but don’t talk about it in your profile
We know. Online dating, and all dating, can be rough and it gets frustrating. It’s tempting to put something about it in your profile, but focusing on how hard it’s been can give the wrong impression.
Steer away from mentioning that you don’t like online dating, that you haven’t had any luck before, or that you’re sick of playing games. Others may feel the same way but it’s not the best first impression. Instead, talk about the things you’re looking forward to and what you hope to get out of the experience.
Dating and life isn’t all sunny perfect days and fluffy white clouds. It’s OK to feel discouraged sometimes or feel frustrated when things don’t work out. There’s a time when opening up about your past relationships with someone is a way to get closer and learn about each other. The first impression you make in your profile isn’t that time.
So do a quick check, make sure you’re representing yourself in a positive light, and you just may be surprised by how a positive profile can help you meet a positive person.

How to Grab a Woman’s Attention

If you want to succeed with women, you need to learn how to stand out from the crowd and grab a woman’s attention. And no, it’s not about fancy clothes or pick-up lines. It’s about learning a few key skills that will make a lasting impression. Here are four tips you can use immediately:

1. Re-Tool Your Body Language
When you’re approaching a woman, remember that your body language is more important than the words you use. Most guys use apologetic body language and voice tones…they look as if they’re pleading with a woman to give them approval. So think about how you’d act if you were the “selector” – if you wanted to find out if she’s exceptional enough that you’d want to get to know her better, instead of YOU being concerned about whether or not she’s going to like YOU. Big shift, isn’t it? Remember this on your next approach and you’ll have a lot more success.
2. Know What You’ll Say Ahead Of Time
Sit down and think carefully about common situations where you see women you’d like to meet. Come up with 10 different ways you could start a conversation in these situations, pick your favorite, and mentally rehearse it. Most of the guys I know who are great with women use the simplest of simple conversation starters.  “Hi.” “What are you drinking?” “Hey, are you from around here?” I realize that these sound simple, and they are. They don’t come across as canned “pick-up lines”, and they help you figure out very quickly if the woman you’re talking to is friendly.
3. Get Numbers Smoothly
It might surprise you, but if the conversation is going well, a woman will often give you her number within a minute or two of meeting her. The secret is to ask correctly when you’re leaving. Ask her if she has email, then when she says yes, tell her “Great, I’m leaving, but I’d like to chat with you again. Here, write it down. And write your number there, too.” You’ll find that many of the women you ask will just give you their email and number that easily. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
4. Grabbing Attention Online
The number one mistake men make online is writing normal, boring stuff and asking normal, boring questions. Do not, under ANY circumstances, talk about NORMAL stuff. This will give you an advantage over 90% of the other men looking for women online. Trust me.
Most guys don’t take the time to work on themselves. If you really want to grab a woman’s attention – and KEEP it – then be one of the few men who take the time to develop themselves into the kind of guy WORTHY of an amazing woman’s attention. Invest in yourself – get an education on how to attract women naturally – and that’ll do more than anything else to put you on the path to success with women you want.

9 Women Reveal the Worst Things Guys Have Done On First Dates

It’s safe to assume they didn’t get a second

There are plenty of ways to ace the first date: You feel the chemistry immediately. You both love the food at dinner. She compliments your jacket. You make her laugh. Better yet, she makes you laugh. You end the night with a kiss if you’re lucky—and a second date if you’re really lucky.
But one third of Americans don’t enjoy going on first dates, according a recent EliteSingles survey. Of the two thirds of people who do enjoy it, more than 80 percent don’t know what to talk about and about 1 in 5 feel super nervous beforehand. That’s because there are so many ways a first date can just go horribly, horribly wrong: You show up late. The conversation gets awkward. Your card gets declined. You go in for the kiss and she shakes your hand instead.
Or, you could suffer through one of the following scenarios.
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #1: PLAY VIDEO GAMES
“He took me back to his apartment after dinner... to watch him play FIFA. He genuinely thought he was a godsend at FIFA. I texted my friend to have her call me with an ‘S.O.S. You have to come quick!’ scenario. I feel like this is a general consensus amongst most women: Your ‘talent’ at video games does not make us want to become intimate with you. It probably just reminds us of our brothers.” —Brielle, 22
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #2: OUTWARDLY DISRESPECT WOMEN
“A Rihanna song comes on and my date said: ‘Getting beaten up by Chris Brown was the best thing to ever happen to her career.’ Mind you, I oversee a domestic violence shelter.” —Heather, 27
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #3: PRESSURE HER TO DRINK
“I got coffee with a dude who kept insisting we go back to one of our houses and get me inebriated somehow. Not him, just me—either weed or alcohol, and he wasn’t even subtle about it. He kept asking every 10 minutes if I wanted to go back to my/his place and ‘try some vodka gummy bears or smoke a bowl,’ but he made it very clear that he didn’t plan on getting intoxicated.” —Jenna, 23
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #4: INVITE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND
“First off, he didn’t tell me it was a date. I legitimately thought we were just hanging out and playing Scrabble because he asked me to via Twitter. Then he invited his ex-girlfriend to hang out with us, which I later found out was his way of showing her he had moved on. I felt used.” —Dylan, 23
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #5: INVITE YOUR FRIENDS
“We were supposed to go to a movie on a Friday night. He said his friends kind of wanted to go and asked if any of mine would want to join. It was already Friday night so my friends had plans. He asked if I still wanted to go, so I said sure. I figured he meant just the two of us and he would leave his two other guy friends at home. I figured wrong, and me and him sat in between the two of them for the duration of the movie. It was the worst. Never went out again.” —Maddie, 23
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #6: LEAD WITH A SUPERFICIAL QUESTION
“One time I went on a blind date and the first thing the guy said to me was ‘Is that your real hair color?’ I had been dyeing my hair a dark red for a few months and he actually mentioned something about it… like how do you respond to that?” —Alexis, 22
Try asking her these questions instead.
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #7: FORGET YOUR MANNERS
“The worst thing a guy has done on a first date is blow his nose at the dinner table. 1) How rude! 2) Now my burrito is ruined because of your snot.” —Lauren, 23
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #8: PICK THE MOVIE WITHOUT ASKING HER
“After dinner, he took me back to his apartment and queued up ‘Machine Gun Preacher’ on Netflix—kind of a jarring movie for a first date.” —Jessica, 24
WORST FIRST DATE IDEA #9: KILL THE CONVERSATION
“I once met up with a guy from OkCupid for coffee, and rather than engage in the usual getting-to-know-you chit-chat, he avoided eye contact and kept commenting on people at other tables with snarky remarks about their appearance or topics of conversation. Hearing how judgmental he was within 10 minutes of meeting him was a major turn-off, and I was happy to get out of there when my mug was empty. I’ve been on lots of Internet dates and usually enjoy the conversation, even if I’m not attracted to the guy, but this was the first time I counted down the minutes until it was over.” —Leah, 27

What Women Really Think About Threesomes, Dirty Talk, and Anal

Plus: How to make some of your fantasies come true!

We all have personal preferences in the bedroom, some very common and others illegal in Texas. Still, we all deserve for some of our desires to become reality.
How do you make it happen?
The best way: Talk to your girlfriend or wife well before you attempt the act.
Here’s what most women think about 10 of your top sexual fantasies.
1. YOU WANT A THREESOME
She thinks: “Of course you do. Keep dreaming.”
Despite what you saw in Saturday Night Beaver, most girls don’t want to enter this territory. Granted, we can appreciate the female form.
And we’re not horrified at the thought of being in the same room with another naked woman. But what if we asked you to be with another guy? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
The thing is, we’d always wonder whose company you were enjoying more. We might not admit it, but it’d cause some insecurity on our part. Get this out of your system before you enter a committed relationship, okay?
2. YOU WANT HER TO DRESS UP
She thinks: “Ooo, in what?”
Ask me to put on a squirrel costume and I might crush your nuts. Hey, some people are into that stuff!
If the costume has to be rented from hotmascots.com, it’s probably a no-go. It takes courage to dress up (some of us are not thrilled with our bodies) but we want to feel sexy for you.
As long as we feel good in it, or you make us feel good in it, there won’t be a problem here.
3. YOU WANT HER TO GO DOWN ON YOU
She thinks: “What else is new?”
Some girls really enjoy giving oral. If your girlfriend doesn’t, it may be that she’s not comfortable or confident with her technique.
Make her comfortable—and not by grabbing her head. Reassure her, tell her she does it the best, and guide her if you want something different.
Also, I believe it was Jesus who said give and ye shall receive. So give, often and well. Ye shall receive.
4. YOU WANT ANAL SEX
She thinks: “Ouch!” (and clenches her butt cheeks)
Listen fellahs, this is a gift. If you want it, you have to earn it. This will likely be more “thrilling” for you than her.
Hey, some girls are good to go, and enjoy it. Others, well, want some time to ease into that stage of a relationship. You know, the stage when she may drop a turd on your bed and you’ll love her anyway. Yeah, that stage.
Anal isn’t for the feint of heart, especially if you've had Mexican for dinner. Before you go there, watch The Truth about Anal Sex.
5. YOU WANT TO FINISH IN A STRANGE PLACE
She thinks: “Um, what? Why?”
Hey, it’s cool if you’re into that sort of thing.
The rule here is simple: Ask permission before you do it.
6. YOU WANT TO WATCH HER MASTURBATE
She thinks: “Awkward!”
Sorry, guys, but this is something we’re used to doing on our own, and in our own way. Though we understand why you’d enjoy watching, it can be super-awkward for us.
Your best bet: While you’re pleasing her, grab her hand and encourage her to show you what she likes. And definitely tell her how amazing she looks doing it.
7. YOU WANT TO TALK DIRTY
She thinks: “You go first.”
Use common sense here, guys. Ease in, and take it from there. Tell her how gorgeous and sexy she is. She’ll follow your lead and probably get into it.
8. YOU WANT TO DO IT IN A NEW, POSSIBLY DANGEROUS SPOT
She thinks: “Adventurous!”
But let it happen spontaneously. That is the fun of it. If you plan for it, the thrill is gone. In fact, she may get cold feet if she has too long to think about it. Keep her on her toes!
And try not to get arrested. Jail-cell sex isn’t nearly as hot.
9. YOU WANT TO WATCH PORN TOGETHER
She thinks: “Sure!”
She may not want to admit it, but some girls are just as turned on by porn as you are. Not the college-girl show-me-your-titties kind, but the grownup kind.
We understand that you’re going to watch it anyway, and it’d be more fun to watch with you and reap the benefits!
10. YOU WANT TO MAKE PORN TOGETHER
She thinks: “Can I trust you?”
It’s not posing that puts us off. It’s the prospect of showing up on YouPorn—or, frankly, your buddy’s iPhone.
Bottom line: This takes loads of trust. No matter how in love we are at the time, we know that not all love lasts forever. But pictures and videos sure do!

Put These 5 Words In Your Profile If You Want to Get a Date

The bio on your dating profile is more important than you think

Wondering why you haven’t been getting any action on your dating profile lately? It might not be your photo that’s turning women off — it's your bio.
Originally reported by the New York Post, data from eHarmony found the five most popular descriptors that are almost guaranteed to land you a date:
    1.Physically fit
    2.Perceptive
    3.Spontaneous
    4.Outgoing
    5.Optimistic
If you describe yourself as physically fit, you're 96 percent more likely to get interaction than users who don't. Women also love guys who pick up on things easily, so if you mention that you're perceptive in your profile, you're 51 percent more likely to see the amount of messages you receive increase.
Being spontaneous and outgoing are surefire ways to impress her, and she'll know her first date with you will be fun and memorable. Women are 45 percent and 44 percent, respectively, more likely to want to get to know you.
And if you've got a positive, optimistic outlook on things, 39 percent of women will swipe right.
Plenty of Fish, The NY Post reports, also surveyed users on what they're most likely to respond to when it comes to dating profiles. As it turns out, guys are more attracted to girls who love a good pumpkin spice latte, and are 8 percent more likely to reach out to a woman who has the popular fall drink mentioned in her dating profile. (But guys, we wouldn't recommend adding this to your profile since the same does not hold true for you.)
If and when you do get that first date, there are a few things you should keep in mind, and making her laugh is number one. Earlier this year, a DrEd.com survey found that 83 percent of women are attracted to a good sense of humor. (And here are some tips on what not to do the first time you go out.)
Coming up with ideas other than your typical dinner and drinks can't hurt, either. Try something like the skating rink or a baseball game.

7 Online Dating Tips to Help You Attract Interesting People

Attracting people while dating online isn’t that hard, but attracting the people you’re really interested in… Well, that requires a bit of work. The good news is, it’s a whole lot easier than you think once you know what to do.

Here are 7 online dating tips to help you attract interesting people:
1. Your main profile picture should be you at your best.
Your main picture is your first impression so it needs to show you at your absolute best. People are visual creatures so this is important. This may take a bit of work if you don’t already have that perfect picture, but always remember, even if it takes a hundred tries to get that perfect photo, that one photo could attract the person who becomes the person you share the rest of your life with. Not too bad a deal for a few hours work is it?
2. The more pictures, the better.
Some online dating experts advise their clients to use no more than four pictures. I say nonsense. Data has shown that adding more pictures to your dating profile results in more inbound messages. We already know people are extremely visual. Keeping that in mind, each picture is a unique opportunity to draw someone’s attention and tell a different story about yourself.
The key is diversity. Eight photos of you standing alone is off-putting, boring, and doesn’t reveal anything unique about you from picture to picture. Eight or more pictures capturing you in different positive aspects of your life, (like a travel picture, a photo with your family, you finishing the last 10k you ran, or your Halloween costume), will tell a story that people get interested in, and ultimately, will want to be a part of.
3. Be playful and flirtatious.
If you were to meet someone you liked at a bar, how would you let them know? You’d probably smile a lot, touch their arm, lean in when you talk, or give any number of visual and verbal cues that communicate interest.
Well in the online world all you have is your words and the characters on a keyboard to let the person know you’re interested and attracted. Use them to your advantage. Exclamation points, emoticons, emojis, and innocent G-rated flirting are all great ways to let someone know you’re into them. Just use all of these things in moderation or it will backfire—you don’t want to look like teenager!
A lot of online dating is filled with boring small talk, so don’t be afraid to be the exception.
4. Never make a list of deal-breakers.
This may seem obvious, but a lot of people still do it. Making a list of deal breakers in your profile is one of the worst mistakes you can make.
You will never scare off the people you’re not interested in by listing all the qualities that you don’t want in a partner. But you may convince the good people out there that you’re overly picky, judgmental, or negative. This probably isn’t true, but it’s how it comes across. So stay positive and focus on the things you’re looking for instead of the things you’re not looking for.
5. Understand that people have short attention spans.
People are insanely busy these days. In fact, you’re probably so busy right now that you’re simply skimming this article. Did I catch you? It’s okay, I forgive you.
When it comes to online dating, you have to overcome all the noise and distractions life brings by being economical with your words, structuring your profile properly, and packing the most punch into every word you write.
The ideal structure for a profile is 5-6 mini paragraphs of 2-3 sentences each with each section focusing on a different aspect of your life. This allows someone to both skim for information, or read your profile like a well-crafted story if they choose to.
If you’re on a site that uses email, as a rule they should take no more than 60 seconds to read and 2-3 minutes to respond to. This can increase slightly as the responses begin to snowball, but it’s a good rule of thumb in the beginning.
6. Size up the competition.
Ok, so it’s not really a competition but there are a lot of people on online dating sites that you can learn from. Researching your competition can be extremely helpful if you’re not sure what to say in your profile. Take a look at a lot of profiles and see how you compare. What do some profiles do better or more effectively than you do? Which profiles would you be most attracted to? After you have your answers, use this knowledge to your advantage and adjust your own profile.
7. Stand out from the competition
What qualities do you have that shine the most? Is it your humor? Is it your sense of adventure? Is it your passion for volunteering? Maybe it’s all of the above. Figure out what it is about you that’s worth highlighting and then make sure these qualities are showcased in your photo and your profile.
If you’re new to online dating, it can seem confusing at first but at the end of the day it’s about putting your best self out there and connecting with people and getting to know them. Don’t forget to have fun with it!

How to Be Better at Online Flirting

Being a flirt, online or in real life takes a certain level of finesse. Some people are naturally charismatic, effortless flirts. Other people become successful flirts by learning the tricks of the trade through trial and error. Others flirt minimally or not at all. Online flirting is an art form.

I use the term “flirt” very loosely. When I say flirt, I don’t mean cheesy compliments and canned pick-up lines. Saying something like, “There must be a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them,” is not flirting with another person. That’s just flirting with disaster.
By flirting, I mean the art of witty and spontaneous banter. By flirting, I mean using dialogue and conversation to attract people to you, engaging with people in a light-hearted, fun, easy, and graceful way to bond with them romantically. With the medium of online dating, success necessarily involves utilizing the written word (i.e. your online flirting ability) as a social skill.
Composing a dashing and coquettish message is not as difficult as it seems. Just as there are tips and tricks with flirting in real life, there are rules (and shortcuts) with flirting online. So how do you turn your drab little “Hi, my name is…” message into a sparkling, enchanting, tantalizing series of bon mots sure to send any reader into throes of ecstatic bliss? Harness all your writing ability, and get ready to become a veritable Lord Byron, because it’s not as hard as it seems! 
That’s right. I’m going to tell you how to be betting at online flirting.
Do not be tempted by the easy compliment or a cliché
It’s too easy, too cheap, to fall prey to the easy compliment and the ready cliché. It’s like giving someone a ready-to-wear message when you can easily whip up some homemade haute couture. Think about it. For this awesome individual whom you’ve set your eye on, getting another message that simply says You’re a hottie or hey what’s up is probably about as exciting as breathing. Online daters are so used to it, they barely notice it anymore. If you choose to compliment, dole out a real beauty, something you’ve thought of and created just for that person. It doesn’t have to be beautiful poetry. All it has to do is not be the same old boring crap this person hears day in and day out.
Metaphors and similes, when used in moderation, are your friends
We are given this thing called language. We should have fun with it! Language serves the purpose of communication, though in the process, we can take all sorts of liberties with it to save it from the abuses of everyday speech. For instance, we can use metaphors and similes. Though it might not be readily apparent at first, the use of metaphor is rife in the arena of the flirted word.
Here’s an example: Guess what my shirt’s made of? Boyfriend material.
Another great prompt for a possible metaphor or simile is You make me feel like… or Around you, I become.
Try it out for yourself. You make me feel like I’m finally home. Around you, I become aware the depths of my own heart. Hey, it’s not so hard!
It’s not the size that matters, but how you use it
Write a sonnet, not a novel. Keep your responses short and sweet—at first. Later on, beautifully articulated, 17-page epics are encouraged. At first, however, you always want to make the person you’re trying to attract lust for more. Give an inch (of prose), and they’ll demand a mile. I’m not a proponent of two-word responses, but a short, two-paragraph message where each word is measured (and no words are wasted) is the online equivalent of a brief conversation that ends too soon and leaves you starving for more. There’s no shame in being coy. After all, isn’t that what flirting is all about?
Don’t reveal too much too soon — mystery is fuel to the fire
In due course, everything will be revealed. If you date someone, they will eventually find out everything about you (the good, the bad, the ugly, and the sublime). Skeletons will eventually tumble from your closets, so there’s no point in disclosing your whole life story too soon. In the art of flirtation, evocative and mysterious statements are the word of law. Your desirability quotient is (at first) at least partly contingent on your ability to evoke a sense of enigma about your persona, to not talk too much or spill too much about yourself in the beginning in order to sustain your date’s sense of interest in you over time. In no sense am I advocating secrecy or lies—it’s important to be honest all the time, less important to disclose information about yourself unprompted and unprovoked. Wait until you are asked, before you spill the beans.
Everyone loves a funny person
You don’t have to be the class clown of online dating, but a little humor never hurt anyone, particularly when used pointedly to attract a mate. Even if it goes against everything you believe, at least try to lighten up and make a joke (think of it as a thought experiment). Humor is like a jolt of charm. Who doesn’t love to laugh? While there is no easy lesson on how to be funny, the best rule of thumb is to try to make it sound natural and situational. Make jokes if it’s relevant and applies, but don’t make stupid jokes for no reason (you’ll come off as a ‘try hard’). This is not to say that you need to take lessons on stand-up comedy in order to date someone. Rather, I’m suggesting that you attempt to see the humor in situations and let your natural humor shine. Everyone out there has a sense of humor. We just have varying degrees of comfort in showing it.
So are you ready to start online flirting? I certainly think so.  Have at it!

How to Attract Someone: Five Scientifically Proven Ways

As it turns out, seduction may be more of a science than an art. Wondering how to attract someone special? Here are five scientifically proven ways.

Humor
Humor is an attractive quality for both men and women, though for different reasons. Recent research shows that women appreciate men who can make jokes, and men prefer women who laugh at their jokes. Why is humor so sexy? A study published in Evolutionary Psychology suggests that a sense of humor is a signal for higher intelligence, which, in a strictly biological sense, is a favorable trait for a partner.
Being Liked
Have you ever had a relationship that you thought was completely platonic, only to discover the other person liked you? How did it make you feel? Science says you probably found the other person more attractive if you learned he or she liked you, even if you even if you ultimately decided against a romance. Psychologist Richard Wiseman discovered that one of the best ways to impress a date was to give the impression that “you were hard to get–and therefore a scarce resource worth having–but really enthusiastic about him or her specifically.”
Sharing Personal Info
What you talk about has a huge impact on potential partners. For example, in one study, 18 percent of people who talked about travel wanted to meet up again, compared with only 9 percent of those who discussed movies. This is because men and women tend to have different tastes in movies, which often leads to arguments. In comparison, a family vacation or friend’s destination wedding elicits happy memories (or at least funny stories) that have a better chance of leading to a bonding moment.
In fact, sharing personal, emotional information can create a deep connection on the very first date. In a one study, people who shared intimate details created a stronger bond within the first 45 minutes of meeting than some people experience with their closest, life-long friends.
Doing Fun Stuff
Nix dinner and a movie and shoot for an activity that gets your blood pumping. Research shows that people associate the adrenaline rush and exciting feelings with the person they’re with, so if you bring your partner on an exhilarating hike or a rock concert, he or she is more likely to experience feelings of romantic attachment.
Love at First Sight
According to Dr. Earl Naumann, if you believe in love at first sight, you have about a 60 percent chance of experiencing it. And of those who do experience it, 55 percent marry that partner, and three-quarters of them stay together. So open up your mind to the possibility of love at first sight.

Romance

Romance is at the heart of any dating experience. If you don't consider yourself romantic then you are wrong. I don't know of anyone on this planet who doesn't have the ability to fall in love.

Therefore if you can fall in love, you can be romantic too. Romance is not in the grand gestures , it is in the small details. Women will often say that it is the small things that matter. The small gestures but it is down to both men and women to start being romantic. It is a two-way process and both parties get an immense amount of pleasure from showing they care about someone. Yes we would all love to have a romantic picnic on a deserted Caribbean beach with the person of our dreams but romance begins closer to home with tips such as these:
Understand what romance means and why it is important and learn what romantic aspects there are to your own character. No one has a heart made of stone, however tough their exterior.
Understand that romance is not the sole domain of women and that men who are romantic are far more successful when dating
Romance has nothing whatsoever to do with masculinity. In fact, being romantic can enhance your masculinity and reputation with girls.
Not all women are naturally romantic either but that doesn't have to be the case.
The key to being romantic is thoughtfulness. So start being a little less thoughtless and selfish.
Communicate with your partner on every level and anticipate their desires and needs.
Look at your partner when they are talking and hold their gaze
Learn that mood, location, situation and ambience can heighten romance with dramatic effect
Phone just to say hello, I love you and surprise your partner
Learn to say, I love you and mean it. Don't say it ever, if you don't mean it
Send them notes and small cards telling them you are thinking of them
Be spontaneous and do little deeds that show you are thinking about them
Start going for walks together, whatever the weather
Put your partner first, particularly as a surprise with a spontaneous trip away
Think creatively and plan a surprise weekend away
Buy flowers any time of the year, nice ones not just roses
Remember birthdays, anniversaries and landmark days such as the day you first met and plan something
Listen to the clues your partner gives you, such as things they like and books they read and buy little gifts
Keep being romantic. In a good relationship, romance never ends
Compromise. Putting yourself first is not romantic.
Write him/her a letter and let them know that you love them and you mean it. People send far few letters these days. Use good quality stationery too.
Watch romantic movies together and invest quality time doing the things you share and both enjoy
Make cards rather than buying them. It shows thought and inspiration.
Take your partner on a picnic to the park or beach and prepare in advance without involving them. Initiative illustrates romance nicely
Don't be a cold fish. Learn how to hug, cuddle and make physical contact. Touching without sex is far more romantic but don't always hug without kissing!
Kiss your date and learn to appreciate the finer qualities of kissing for its own sake
Dance together when the occasion arises and show them special attention
Hold hands and do anything make your partner feel close to you
Hold and hug your partner in bed, especially after sex
Talk chat and converse about anything and everything
Allow your partner to breathe and do separate things to heighten the sense of romance when you are together
If you don't cook dinner for your date, start learning my friend. A surprise dinner with candles is romantic
Buy small gifts spontaneously that show great thought in what they enjoy. But not too many otherwise it has the opposite effect
Remember that romance is often about giving of yourself, even if it is simply your precious time when you could have had other plans. Making your partner a priority is vital
Do things that make you both laugh. Laughter and romance go hand in hand
Remember that romance is in the small details and does not need to be expensive in any way. I'd rather receive a handmade card any day than an expensive gift
Anticipate your partner's wishes and desires to show them you are listening to them and that you care
Expect rightfully that romance is a two-way process though the romance you provide is simply giving of yourself.

Should you Date Someone ‘Out of Your League?’

Here are five principles for creating a win-win relationship…

The 2010 film “She’s Out of My League” would hardly be confused with a Hollywood classic. But the premise did raise questions about how singles with much different levels of attractiveness and attributes fare when they become romantically involved. In the movie, Kirk is an average guy who works at the Pittsburgh airport. He’s out of shape, uncoordinated, and drives a clunker. Then he meets a successful, smart, and stunning blonde named Molly.
The story is one take on what happens when Mr. Ordinary and Miss Extraordinary fall in love. Or as the movie’s slogan bluntly states it: “How can a 10 go for a 5?” Knowing how formulaic romantic comedies usually turn out, you can predict the ending to this tale. But can you predict how such mismatched couples fare in real life? Chances are, at some point you have met a couple and said to yourself, “How did he end up with her? She’s too good for him!”
As tactless as it may sound, no one wants to marry someone “beneath” them. We’re not talking necessarily about social class, family status, wealth, or education. We mean the sum total—the whole package–of qualities a person brings to a relationship. Whether a man or woman primarily seeks someone with great earning potential, a charming personality, or sterling character, that person wants a partner whose bottom-line total is similar to his or her own. And they should want this, because it’s rare to find two happily married people who don’t have this kind of equality. As you ponder possible matches and mismatches of your own, keep these thoughts in mind:
Accept the “marketplace” principle of relationships. When you are searching for a partner, you can expect to attract a person whose total “set of attributes” is approximately equal to your own. This is the principle of the marketplace. You want to find the best person you can, but this best person will largely depend on what you bring in trade. This concept may strike some people as crass and calculating, like a business contract being hammered out. But the fact is that all of us want to get a “good deal” when it comes to choosing a mate. A good deal in a romantic context is defined as “a person who brings at least as many qualities to the relationship as you do.”
Assess your own assets. Carefully evaluate what you bring to a potential relationship. The goal is not to inflate your ego by listing all of your wonderful qualities, or to deflate your ego by pinpointing your shortcomings. The goal is to honestly and accurately understand what you have to offer another person.
Appraise the attributes of your partner. Some individuals are unusually intelligent, good-looking, athletically gifted, musically talented, and spiritually thoughtful. Other people bring a more moderate set of qualities to the “negotiating table.” And still others bring significantly fewer qualities. Hone your skills at identifying strengths and weaknesses in members of the opposite sex.
Acknowledge that there’s a wide variety of positive qualities. These days, when someone refers to a man or woman as a “10” or a “5,” of course they’re talking about looks. What that unfortunate numerical rating doesn’t take into consideration are the myriad unseen qualities a person might have to offer—intelligence, sense of humor, generosity, dependability, and so on. Remind yourself that appearance is just one among many traits to evaluate.

Aim for win-win. When it comes to a long-term relationship, you want to feel like a winner in your choice of a partner. And your partner should feel like a winner for choosing you. No one should feel like he or she “got gypped” in their choice of a mate. After all, the strongest couples include two people whose sum total of attributes is closely aligned.
To borrow a page from the Goldilocks fable, when it comes to love and romance, find a partner who is not too far above you, not too far beneath you, but is just right for you.

Finding Love: Why You Shouldn’t Give Up

When love has eluded you for so long that giving up seems like the only sensible thing to do—don’t. Here’s why:

“There’s a lid for every pot.” After a painful divorce, Christa fell into a deep depression. The man she married turned out to be abusive and unfaithful. When he finally left, he took with him her confidence that she would ever find a loving, loyal partner. “One day I visited my grandmother,” Christa recalled. “I was sitting in her kitchen feeling sorry for myself while she made dinner. She knew what I was thinking.”
Christa was suddenly jolted by an especially loud clatter as the old woman searched noisily through a cupboard of pots and pans. Finally, she emerged with an ancient-looking cast-iron lid and placed it gently atop a simmering sauce pan on the stove—a perfect fit. “Don’t worry yourself sick, darlin’,” she said to Christa with a wink and a smile. “In God’s kitchen, there is always a lid for every pot. You just have to patiently search for it.”
“I laughed out loud for the first time in ages,” Christa said. “She was right. It was pointless to think there is no one in the whole wide world who would be a good match for me.”
Finding Love
No matter how futile it feels, hope in finding love is never misplaced. A famous general was once asked the secret of his phenomenal success in battle. He replied, “I never retreated.” After a pause, his interviewer commented that this was difficult to believe. “Oh, I sometimes had to ‘advance to the rear,’ but I never ordered a retreat,” the general explained. Then his point became clear: Victory frequently depends upon refusing to accept the possibility of defeat. It matters what you say—and even what you think—about your life. Hopelessness, fed by negative attitudes and ideas, often becomes a self-fulfilling condition.
Don’t think you are a failure at relationships. Say you are training to succeed.
Don’t complain there is no one for you. Say you are searching for a gem of exceptionally rare quality. Don’t consider your time alone as wasted. Say that you are improving yourself so you’ll be an irresistible catch for an irresistible partner.
Clinging to hope isn’t mere wishful thinking. It literally helps create the conditions you need for success. Giving up guarantees failure. Any coach of any sports team knows that the surest way to lose a game is to not show up. Similarly, what are the chances of a tennis player winning the championship if she doesn’t enter the tournament? Or a job applicant getting the prized position if he doesn’t arrive for the scheduled interview? That’s right—zero!

Simply put, there’s no reason you can’t find the love of your life if you hang in there, keep going, and stay persistent. If you want to dramatically increase your chances of “winning” a wonderful partner, start by deciding to never give up.
If you’ve been burned by relationships that went sour, if you’ve grown weary of dates that lead nowhere, if you’re tired of being disappointed, realize that you are not alone. And most of all, resist the temptation to give in to hopelessness. Believe the best about yourself, and then always believe that a delightful partner is searching for you, too.

Sex And Sleep Will Make You Happier Than Money Ever Could

A new study has found that making more money has very little effect on overall happiness

Ever think that you'd be so much happier if you were the guy driving down the street in a car that costs as much as someone's house? Turns out, if you're getting quality Zs and have a happy sex life, you're the one winning, man. A new study has found the top indicators of happiness, and money doesn't even hit the top five.
The study conducted by researchers from Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research in Great Britain, asked 8,250 people of varying backgrounds to fill out a 60-question survey to determine what it means to "live well." The questions covered everything — from the state of an individual's sleep quality, finances, and job security to their relationships with friends, family and their community. And the results? They weren't what you'd expect.
The result was the creation of the Sainsbury’s Living Well Index, which generated a list of the top factors that separated the happiest 20 percent from everyone else. In order of biggest influence, sleep quality, sex life, job security, health of close relatives and chatting to neighbors were the top five factors that determined who was actually living well.
Some of these results should come as little surprise, since we already know how a bad sleep schedule affects your health, but the fact that money doesn't rank at the top of the list might. In fact, according to Metro, researchers found that those who had good sleep and a sex life they were satisfied with (no, that doesn't mean loads of sex; although tantra might help) had higher "living well" scores than those people with a high income.
The study found that income had very little impact on a person's perception of well-being. In fact, a 50 percent increase in disposable income only led to a miniscule increase in a person's "living well" score.

That's not to say we should all just quit our jobs to have sex and sleep all day. Being unemployed, suffering from problems with physical and mental health, and lacking a strong support network were the top three factors that separated those who were struggling from feeling like they were living well. So while income may not be important, job security certainly is.
So what does that mean for you? Granted, this research was done on people living in Great Britain, but the country bears many similarities to ours. Bottom line, if you want to be happier, it's time to buddy up with that bed in more ways than one and give those relationships in your life some much-needed attention.
If sleep is your problem, check out these 5 strategies to get some quality z's. If it's your sex life, here are the most common sex problems couples run into— and how to solve them. And if it's your job, don't worry: You can still land the career of your dreams.

Why 5 Women Cheated On Their Husbands and How to Avoid the Same Fate

If your relationship is teetering, it might not take much to push her into another bed

The Ashley Madison hack last summer gave men a false sense of security. Once the curtain was pulled back, it very much appeared that millions of men were chasing, like, one willing woman.
How so?
The hack exposed millions of email addresses, most of which reportedly belonged to men.
And the hot women they were anxiously chatting with? Many may have been fictional personas created by the company.
(According to the British tabloid Daily Mail, 40,000 women on the site shared the same six email addresses. Ashley Madison denied the claim.)
But don’t let your guard down.
Of course women cheat—19 percent of them, says Kristen Mark, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher. They just may not cheat for the same reasons you do. And they’re not dumb enough to put personal info on the world’s largest cheating website.
If your relationship is already faltering, here are five reasons she could end up in another man’s bed.
Why She Cheats: Her Age
Marsha, a paralegal in Boston, was everything a man could want in a wife: She was beautiful, intelligent, and funny, not to mention limber because of her devotion to yoga.
But then, as her 40th birthday drew near, she slept with her instructor.
“She felt her looks were fading,” says marriage therapist Paul Hokemeyer, Ph.D. “The affair made her feel more desirable.”
Yes, fine, but every year millions of people get older without getting busy with the teacher after yoga class. So why is Marsha any different?
One theory: A 2014 study suggests we subconsciously attach significance to “nine-ender” years.
When we’re a year away from the odometer rolling over, we become more aware of the passage of time and youth, and we may do stupid things because we think the clock is running out.
What to Do About It
Fill up your calendar. Reflecting on what we have or haven’t achieved over the past decade can lead to bleak thoughts, says quality-of-life researcher Michael Steger, Ph.D.

So, be the man who makes things happen.
“If travel is important, you might plan a birthday trip that satisfies shared goals—like Hawaii if you’ve both wanted to try hiking a volcano.”
Bonus: When her mind’s on molten lava, the last thing she’ll be thinking about is her yoga instructor.
Why She Cheats: The Money
Emily, 35, had every reason to be furious with her husband. After she’d made a few too many purchases on her debit card, he cut up the plastic in front of her in a humiliating power play.
“I had to tell him where I was going and he would give me a spending limit,” she says.
The nice way to describe this: He was trying his best to keep the budget in check—and stepped about five miles over the line.
Problem is, exerting too much financial control, especially when you do it like a condescending jerk, breeds major-league resentment and can push your partner to seek payback, Hokemeyer says.
And that’s exactly what Emily did.
“A few months after that incident,” she says, “I slept with my high school boyfriend.”
What to Do About It
Don’t seize control or point fingers.
Instead, share the financial responsibility by using a budgeting app like Mint, which notifies both of you as spending limits draw near.
This way you’re both accountable for the money going into and coming out of your account.
Why She Cheats: She’s Expecting a Prince
You would hope your wife understands that perfect men don’t exist.
But then there’s “Kyle.”
He writes poems and sends flowers, and he seems so sensitive.
Guys like Kyle make women like Sarah, a 30-year-old dentist in North Carolina, second-guess their marriages.
When people expect perfection in a partner, it usually sets them up for long-term disappointment. That nugget of obvious wisdom came from a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
“He made my husband pale in comparison,” Sarah says. “I slept with him because I was convinced he could fill the voids in my life.”
Well, Kyle filled at least one of those voids, and shortly thereafter, Sarah and her husband landed in divorce court.
What to Do About It
You can’t be everything she wants, and you have to be okay with that—and so does she.
But you can become a little better than you are.
The next time you two are squabbling, try this trick: “Fights tend to take place in the past or in the present,” says Jay Heinrichs, author of Thank You for Arguing.
So switch to future tense instead.
“If you’re fighting about who makes dinner, say, ‘I’ll set up a cooking schedule if you’ll agree to eat eggs for dinner,’” he says.
You’ll never be Prince Charming, but at least you’re offering to cook the occasional omelet.
Why She Cheats: She Wants to Be Bad
When her marriage began to fray, Ali, a 25-year-old marketing assistant, found herself in bed with the kind of roughneck guy she’d always avoided.
“When I met him, it seemed inevitable that we’d have sex,” she says.
Whaaaat? Why do smart women consider jumping into bed with knuckle-dragging thugs? Researchers call this phenomenon the “ovulatory shift hypothesis.”
During peak fertility—when ovaries are primed to do the dirty mambo—a rational woman may find herself attracted to men she’d be terrified to see in a dark alley, says Vinita Mehta, Ph.D., the author of an upcoming book on dating and relationships.
It’s not necessarily her fault; it’s our old-school survival instincts.
Masculine genes increase the chances that kids will have a sturdy constitution to survive.
Worse, Mehta says, research shows that her impulse to stray becomes even stronger if you’re less physically attractive by conventional standards.
What to Do About It
Appeal to a more evolved instinct: her brain.
Strength isn’t just about brawn. Demonstrate that you’re educated, successful, self-reliant, and commitment-oriented.
Mehta suggests finding more modern ways to display your plumage. Try sharing experiences that show your strengths—the theater, a museum, a trail hike.
She might think twice about putting her relationship at further risk with a one-night stand.
Why She Cheats: She Just Wants More
Who doesn’t want to be the guy who can’t go out in public without his wife leaning over and whispering, “I’m not wearing panties. Let’s go see if we can find an empty closet.”
But sometimes, in the real world, crazy sex isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.
That’s how the trouble began for Lisa, a 31-year-old saleswoman. She wanted sex every night and her boyfriend didn’t.
“He only gave it to me once a week. What’d he expect?” she says of her stepping out.
Well, for starters, that you wouldn’t cheat on him. But when sexual expectations don’t match, it can quickly lead to trouble.
What to Do About It
The two biggest reasons women cheat, says sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., are that they feel undesired or unattractive, especially as they become older.
Sex is one way to fix it, but another is to appreciate her for who she is, not who you want her to be.
Don’t insult her with meaningless compliments. Listen to her and validate who she really is.

7 Ways to Last Longer In Bed

Thwart premature ejaculation with these pro tips for better sex and a stronger orgasm

You’ve tried crunching baseball stats. You’ve mentally replayed your last round of golf. You’ve outlined the steps to making your favorite sandwich. But the more you try to last longer in bed, the faster you finish—and you’re not alone.
“Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington.
Dr. Walsh says there are primarily two methods if you want to last longer in bed: physical and psychological treatments. While physical remedies target the sensations you feel during sex, psychological solutions address your worry, stress, or other mental factors that may explain your quick trigger, Dr. Walsh explains.
Just remember that duration isn’t the most important part of the formula for avoiding premature ejaculation and having great sex. (Neither are accessories, but these 30 Best Sex Toys can help you enjoy your time together.)
Here, Dr. Walsh and other experts break down a few of the most helpful techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE).
But be warned: Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them during sex.

1. Biofeedback
In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical sensations, Dr. Walsh explains.
While there are a lot of different types of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for avoiding premature ejaculation is to bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.
Also known as “edging”—one of the 5 Off-Beat Sex Trends to Try—practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D.
2. The Squeeze
If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says.
“This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds.
3. Ladies First
When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says.
4. De-Sensitizers
Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the needle, there are topical sprays called “local anesthetics” that you can apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and avoid premature ejaculation, Dr. Walsh says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds.
He says some of his patients have had luck with a product called Promescent. (Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this product.)
But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult for you to stay erect during sex, he says.
5. Condom Control
Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member during sex, Morse says, and these can help you avoid premature ejaculation.
Look for marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax” (Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom.
6. Pills
Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect for sex. And in Europe, there are also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says.
The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why?
“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains.
While you could take these drugs for “off-label” uses like the treatment of premature ejaculation, most of these meds are antidepressants that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss this option.
7. Ask an Expert
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr. Walsh says.
“A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.”
He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.
“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.”

Your Dating Image – What You Need to Know

When you go on a date, what will the other person notice?  Will it be your outfit, your hair, your skin, your weight, your physique, your self-confidence, or your interpersonal skills?  You know the answer already: all of them.  If any one of these is drastically out of balance your date might have the wrong impression and the evening could be less than successful.

Some people like to focus their attention on one aspect of their “look”.  In reality however, your image is made up of multiple components, all of which should impress your date as a unit simultaneously.  Your image reflects what you think about yourself and how you feel you should present yourself in social situations.  That’s why it’s extremely important to remember one of the more frustrating and fundamental rules of dating — that someone else’s perception of you will likely determine how that crucial first date will go. 
The outside world is the ultimate judge of how we look.  The good news is that you will be able to reinvent yourself in multiple ways upgrading and highlighting diverse aspects of your image in order to make a total and highly favorable impression.   I don’t want to create the perception that this is all quick and easy, but small changes in several areas can add up to a big overall difference.  As we work through this makeover it’s important to remember that, while outside changes are often considered superficial, they can have a dramatically positive impact on inner traits like confidence, happiness and physical health.
Your image, how the outside world (and your date) sees you, is composed of multiple components of appearance and behavior.  It is often said that a “first impression” is made in the first three seconds.  Moreover first impressions tend to stick with people a long time and you may not be able to undo errors of image at a future time.  People with public personas or very active social lives are usually “all put together” which means that they have thought about and attended to all of these components before leaving the house. By recognizing the aspects of image that create the overall persona, anyone can take easy steps to release their hidden outgoing and charming selves.

There are five components of your physical appearance that partially determine your image.  These are:
1.    Your weight
2.    Your muscular physique
3.    Your hair
4.    Your skin
5.    Your clothing. 
People who try to improve one and not the others usually are unsuccessful.  It may take a little extra time every day to improve and upgrade areas of weakness, but the payoff in terms of magnetic appeal can be tremendous.  Remember that we are not discussing your human qualities, your knowledge base, your inner spirituality, or any other good traits.  Despite the fact that “you can’t judge a book by its cover” or “appearances are deceiving” we are scrutinized carefully by friends, family, and most importantly someone we hope to get closer too.  We all deal with this reality.  I’m sure you are a very desirable person-but I also want you to look and act desirable. 
There are two components of your behavior that also determine your image.  They are your self-confidence and your interpersonal skills, and these are equally or more important than the appearance components we just discussed.  Your self-confidence will reflect a positive attitude that your date will certainly appreciate.  And good interpersonal skills will make the date an especially memorable experience or even more.  These two components of image are learned behavior, and you are capable of mastering and improving these skills at any time.  Why not do it now? 
To get ready for that important date, think of the process as “inside-out, outside-in” reinvention.  This acknowledges the fact that the various components of your image are interdependent.  For example, putting on sexy clothing immediately changes the way you feel about yourself and perhaps even the way you stand or walk.  By making a “superficial” change in your appearance you automatically radiate more self-confidence.  Conversely when you interact comfortably with someone very attractive, your increased self-confidence will motivate you to attend to various issues like clothing, skincare, and weight.  Change must occur therefore in two directions at the same time, so that physical, emotional, and social improvement is thought of as a single unit, not separate problems to be dealt with sequentially.
You should reinvent your image with attention to all seven components of image simultaneously as you look for companionship and love with someone very desirable, someone you may have felt incapable of meeting previously.  The good qualities that you have today will certainly last you the rest of your life.  By adding to them a newly reinvented and upgraded image, you will create the total package that will generate buzz, appeal, and friendship…and maybe even more.