You Probably Trust Your Computer Way More Than You Trust Your Girlfriend

"We are more willing to spread out personal information across the web than we are to divulge facts to a person we are personally getting to know."

When you’re checking out on Amazon, you don’t hesitate to type all your personal information into the boxes that say, “name,” “address,” and “card number.” Why would you? Amazon is a trusted website, and you want that Game of Thrones box set, dammit. But what if the person asking you for this info was someone you're into? Turns out, you'd be way less comfortable sharing even your last name.A new survey has confirmed what we all know to be universally true: People are more willing to dish out personal details to a nameless, faceless computer than to a person they’re actually dating.The 2,000-person survey from Echoworx found that it takes the average American 20 seconds to figure out if an email in their inbox is safe, 28 seconds to see if an online form is safe to input their personal info, and 31 seconds to decide if a website is legit enough to make purchases from with their credit card. (Try these online shopping hacks to get you a better deal every time.)
The most common reasons for revealing personal info? Making online purchases, applying for a mortgage or insurance, or submitting job applications. (Follow these tips to land your dream job.)
But when it comes to potential partners, people need to go on an average of two and a half dates before they're comfortable enough to even disclose their full name. And it takes an average of four dates before they’re willing to reveal their home address, and six and a half dates before they want to approach things like salary. (However, one in three respondents said that they wouldn’t be comfortable talking to someone about the latter no matter how many dates they’d been on.)
“It’s interesting that we are more willing to spread out personal information across the web than we are to divulge facts to a person we are personally getting to know,” a spokesperson for Echoworx told the New York Post. “It’s not that it should be the opposite, but when it comes to things like your social security number and banking details being shared over online channels, it’s necessary to take care.”

 

8 Reasons Your Online Messages Aren’t Resulting in Dates

There is no denying that it takes true effort to turn online dating messages into face-to-face dates.

This process involves opening up, keeping a conversation going (and interesting), asking solid, engaging questions, and having the courage to ask someone out (or say yes). Most importantly, though, getting a date means the person you are talking to must connect with you in some way.
For many online daters, the course from online messages to actual dating has become a mindless, thoughtless experience, an anxiety-provoking adventure, or an incredibly confusing process. It’s natural to be left wondering what went wrong if messaging appears to be going well and the person you are talking to suddenly goes MIA. Was it something you said (or didn’t say)? Is the other person dealing with some baggage or external life event that has nothing to do with you? Could you have done anything differently to ensure the initial spark or level of interest didn’t fizzle? While you don’t have complete control, you can increase your probability of building a connection by ensuring you are sending high-quality messages and avoiding the eight messaging traps below.
Here are eight reasons your messages may not be resulting in dates:
1. You sound cynical or negative.
While it’s smart to be real and you are allowed to state your thoughts on unpleasant weather, for example, sounding like a Debbie Downer interferes with making a positive first impression. Sounding cynical, depressing, or negative deters potential partners from wanting to get to know you as they are likely to assume you won’t add anything positive to their lives and therefore, don’t see the point of getting to know you. Stay away from complaining about life stresses, such as traffic, illness, work, family, politics, and random disappointments in your messages. Keep your tone upbeat and don’t use messages as a platform to air grievances about your life or the world.
2. You are using messages with new potential partners to trash an ex, complain about your dating life, or ask about their online dating experiences.
It can be tempting to bond with a potential partner over the misery you both may feel being single, or the roller coaster nature of online dating, but this is not a healthy foundation to a relationship. Although these topics may seem to be positive for bonding and creating commonalities at first, it’s your best bet to steer clear of any past relationship talk or negativity around your singlehood. Badmouthing an ex or previous date reflects poorly on you, especially in the early stages of messaging or dating when you are still pretty much strangers.
3. You come off as judgmental or insulting.
If you are using snarky humor or cracking jokes early on without a trusting, solid bond, you are likely to come off as offensive and mean-spirited. Or maybe you turn someone off by responding with a comment that sounds more judgmental than validating. Technology can also blur your intentions and lead to misinterpretation if you aren’t careful. For example, you may believe you are giving a compliment, but if you need to type “I hope I didn’t insult you” at any point in your message, it’s a sign you need to rethink your words and make sure you are being kind and open-minded. It is also insulting to reference sex, overly comment on physical appearance, or make judgments about someone based on the little bit of information an online dating profile provides. Instead of being a total jokester or making assumptions or statements as if you know someone, ask questions with curiosity and interest.
4. You are trying too hard to sell yourself, which makes you appear arrogant or desperate.
It’s natural to want to be liked and understood, but too much selling can do the opposite. Using a phrase like, “I am intelligent, successful, handsome, and generous, but you’ll see this for yourself,” is a no-no. Remember there is a difference between sharing your strengths, accomplishments, and personality traits and bragging, boasting, and announcing your successes in a grandiose or snobby way. If your messages sound more like a sales pitch, suspicious, or disingenuous, you are likely to lose dates.
5. Your messages are way too long and overwhelming for the other person to read and respond to.
While it’s positive you are open to communicating and sharing as the means to getting to know someone, sending messages that read like chapters in a novel or ramble on and on, can lead to a lack of replies. These types of messages can scare off a potential partner or leave them wondering how to respond, especially if there is too much information, oversharing, or numerous questions within one message. Aim to be short and sweet and remind yourself that you don’t have to be overly detailed or share your entire life story. Let the connection grow over time. Think layers!
6. You are barely giving the other person anything to relate to or respond to.
If the person you are messaging with is doing all of the work to keep the connection going, they are likely to give up. They might assume you are not interested, ready, or available or purely be exhausted from attempting to get to know you. It’s important to actively engage and ensure you are not making the other person feel like they are pulling teeth to get you to communicate. If you are shy or reserved, it’s better to be upfront and honest about that than to barely give anything in return without explanation. It’s okay to take your time, but also make sure you are actively participating and pushing yourself to be open and communicative.
7. You make scheduling a date with you way too difficult.
Often I hear clients complain when they hit it off with someone online and then ask for a date and the person says yes, but then makes the logistics nearly impossible to coordinate. Or the person doesn’t give a definite yes, but also doesn’t say no, and just ignores the question altogether. This creates mixed messages, confusion, and is likely to cause a potential connection to fizzle. If you want to go on a date, be willing to show motivation and to help plan something, as well as clearly say yes or be honest about your needs (examples — wanting to schedule a phone call first or spend more time over messaging).
8. You are using generic messages or sending identical messages to multiple people.
If the person you’re chatting with feels you simply copied-and-pasted messages, with little effort on your part, it is unlikely you will get a reply. Instead grab his or her attention with a unique subject line that signals you actually read their profile. Also, be aware that friends may compare online dating messages and even consider dating the same person without initially realizing it, so there’s a good chance you will get caught for sending generic messages in big batches. Do your best to make a genuine effort, get comfortable starting conversations about diverse topics, and lead with what you connected to in an individual profile instead of a cookie-cutter message that reads like spam.
Each time you draft a message and before you hit send, reread it to check your energy, tone, language, length, communication style, openness, etc. and assess how your message may feel to the person receiving it. By avoiding the common explanations for not getting dates listed above, you can take control of your part in getting messages and replies, leading to more dates with your ideal matches.

 

Women on Dating Apps Want Love, Not Hookups

She might be seeking something more serious than you think, a new survey finds

Dating apps like Tinder are supposed to make meeting women—and getting laid—easier than ever, but according to a new survey, there’s a good chance your match might be looking for love instead of lust.
To get to the bottom of how technology has really shaped our sex lives, Clue—a health app for women—teamed up with the sex researchers at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute. The duo surveyed 140,000 people (96 percent of whom were women) in 198 countries about how apps and other forms of tech have impacted their sex lives, health, and relationships.
The researchers found that 34 percent of Americans have used apps to find sexual or romantic partners—but casual hookups aren’t the only type of relationship women are seeking. Of all the people surveyed, 15 percent reported using apps to find a partner, compared to only 10 percent looking for one-night stands.
When you break the results down to just American respondents, 36 percent of people said they were looking for either a short or long term relationship, 11 percent were cool with one-night stands, and 9 percent wanted to find regular sex with no romantic connection.
The least desired relationship? Friends with benefits.
Ironically, men are much more likely to use dating apps to improve their sexual relationships, the survey found.
Now, clearly some women are looking for casual sex when they’re swiping right. It’s up to you to find out if she wants something more. Bottom line? Don’t immediately expect sex on the first date because you met through an app.
That’s assuming you land a date in the first place. Can’t seem to score a one-on-one? Here’s why she’s not messaging you back on Tinder—and what you can do about it.

 

Want to Be Happier? Take Your Clothes Off

Science says nudity could make you feel better about your body and your life

Ever let it all hang out on a nude beach? There’s a reason those people are all smiles: Being naked around other people might make you happier, according to a new study from Goldsmiths, University of London.
Researchers surveyed 849 people, and found that those who had spent time in the nude outdoors or with other people—sorry, your girlfriend or family doesn’t count—reported they were happier, felt better about their bodies, and had higher self-esteem than those who didn’t shed their clothes.
Then they did two more experiments, but this time they talked to people before and after they participated in an actual nudist event. The results were similar: Study participants reported improvements on those same wellbeing measures afterwards.
“What we found was a very good correlation, that generally, if you did these activities, the longer you did them and the more frequently you did them, the happier you were about all of these things,” explains study author Keon West, Ph.D., in a video produced by the university.
What’s more, seeing other people naked predicted a more positive body image than being seen naked by others, the study authors wrote. And no, it’s not because you get to stare at a bunch of butts.
According to one participant, seeing other people with “normal, not perfect” bodies helped ease the insecurities they felt toward their own.
So while more research needs to be done to confirm exactly why nudity could make us happier, the findings have the potential to help those with body image problems in the future, West explains.

 

5 Ways to Satisfy Any Woman

I was having a conversation with a guy the other day—and although this conversation may have taken place over copious amounts of beer, it was a very intriguing one, and I remember it clearly.I was having a conversation with a guy the other day—and although this conversation may have taken place over copious amounts of beer, it was a very intriguing one, and I remember it clearly. Can’t say much more for the rest of that day/evening.

This guy confessed that he had a rule in the bedroom: “The girl has to come first.” While I was at first charmed by his need to please a woman and put her needs before his own, I was also nervous at the thought of being the girl under that rule! The whole “who comes first” situation is a tricky one.
Take scenario A for example: You're nearing the peak and hoping your lady is at the same point. Pressure her to get there with you, and you run the risk of taking the pleasure out of it for her. Here’s a secret: That pressure to cum on cue is a big reason why women fake it.
Or scenario B: What guy wants to burst his joy too soon? This has been thought to be one of the worst things that can happen to a man in the moment.
After all, don’t women want to be pleased every time? Haven’t you been guided through many articles about the importance of pleasing her to first?
I’m guessing that for some guys, this leads to relentless worry of climaxing too soon—ahead of your lady, with images of her turning her head unsatisfied after you’ve finished.
While I can’t put myself in your shoes in that situation, I can tell you how I see it. And it might surprise you—or at least give you some relief. (Ahem.)
1. As expected—and cheesy as it may sound—we women like the experience of sex. We like the intimacy. We love to feel your body against ours. We love to feel like you want to explore and enjoy every inch of us. We love to feel completely desired. I am telling you that this alone fulfills a need for us that may be difficult to express. (#) We want to know that you want to take the time to make out with us and to partake in foreplay. Foreplay doesn’t have to equal an orgasm though!
2. If you pressure me, I will probably just fake it because I don’t want to deflate your ego. Honestly. Sometimes we just can’t get there, ya know? Just the same as you, right? (##) Hey, it depends on the day, what happened at work, where I am hormonally, and how sexy I am feeling. Adding the pressure—the pre-determined rule that she must come first—completely breaks the mood and, most times, any chance of me having the mind blowing orgasm you had hoped for.
3. Take it as it happens. So what if you blow your love joy super quick—find a way to redeem yourself. You shouldn’t be approaching sex with the anticipated notion that both parties are going to orgasm. Yes, in a perfect world, that would happen. But frankly, it just doesn’t. You know in the movies when the couple climax at the same time in unison and complete satisfaction? That’s bullshit. I mean this genuinely: Just enjoy the moments. Make her feel wanted, and give her the intimacy she craves. There can be genuine satisfaction in knowing that you have lost control over her. (###)
4. If you want a girl to climax, make it about her. We like to feel special, so surprise us after work with a massive makeout session and some serious oral action. Don’t make it clearly about wanting to please her—just please her and keep your boy out of it. When it comes to sex, saying things doesn’t always help—doing things does. So when you say, “I am going to make you orgasm,” you’re not helping yourself—or us. Although we appreciate your tenacity and determination, you should probably just make us climax—and not give us the play-by-play. (####)
5. Give her what she needs. I am not an extreme cuddler, but I can appreciate the brief, genuine cuddle session after loads have been blown (or not blown). Don't jump out of bed to air your unit in front of the air conditioner, (#####) and run off to play video games. Clean up and settle in for a second. That is what she needs. She needs you to give her that little bit of time without your joystick jabbing her in the crotch, even if just for a very brief moment. Hey! This could also be the perfect time to talk to her and get to know what makes her tick! Communication is hot. Your end game is to make her feel amazing, right?(######)
From the Peanut Gallery
#—OK, that’s great to hear. But to be clear, misguided or not, plenty of us guys are just overcorrecting for all the cavemen out there who take the “slam, bam, thank you ma’am” approach that so many women complain about! (And believe us, lots of women complain!)

##—What?

###—Duly noted.

####—In other words: “Shut up and get to work, boy!”

#####—Good lord, Kate, what kind of freaks have you been dating?

######—That makes at least two really good points in one blog post, Kate! A record!

'Should You Date Nate' Is a Prime Example of What Not to Do to Get Laid

Take it down a notch or ten, Nate

There's no sugar-coating it: Dating is tough. You can put yourself out there openly, honestly, and confidently in hopes of meeting your soulmate, but there's no guarantee that the universe will reciprocate your efforts. Still, there is a limit to just how direct you should be when you're first trying to meet that perfect partner, and our friend Nate here seems to have found that threshold.
Nate is an accomplished man, you see, but not a terribly nuanced one. Rather than, say, leaving some of himself to the imagination, Nate decided to create a personal website—the aptly-named shouldyoudatenate.com—to help him in his quest to find the love of his life. The website is a feature-length résumé on his professional accomplishments, personal goals, preferences in a partner, you name it. For examples, he's a libertarian and a hard-working entrepreneur; he loves meditating; he considers himself an outsider; and he's 6'4", as he so proudly boasts at the top of the page.
Most important, though, he's offering a free, three-day vacation to the interested woman who sends him a message and strikes his fancy. Ladies, if this manifesto didn't leave you completely weirded out by its conclusion, then you may simply win the prize by default. Needless to say, Nate's attempt at attracting "the One" comes off as, well, a little much. This is certainly one way to earn the attention of the opposite sex, but it doesn't strike us as the most effective method.
But, hey, as Nate himself says, "If you go through your whole life being comfortable, you're doing it wrong." Which is true enough, but we'll also point out that being uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean you're doing it right.